That’s a fun idea, right?! At the heart of all therapy, and life, this is the goal.
So why does it feel so damn hard sometimes?
The reason is because most traditional talk therapy, and people’s minds, are focused upon the past and the negative aspect of what is. And what is is simply a recreation of all that has been as a result of your focus upon it in this moment. The truth is, as confirmed by quantum physics, everything is happening all at once. There are countless realities co-occurring in every second. The problem is that most of us have been conditioned to focus on, regurgitate old stories about, and give our undivided attention to precisely what is not pleasing us. This takes the unlimited power of this one moment in time and reduces it to a replay of what has been instead of what is wanted. We drag all the stories about our past into the now. We argue for our limitations. We describe in detail why we can’t have what we truly want because of what someone else has done, what other people will think, or because we don’t believe we are worthy of our desires. And then we wonder why nothing changes, why life feels constrictive, dull, difficult, uninspired- even when we’re “working so hard” in therapy.
If you focus on the past, you will simply continue re-creating that past. If you focus on other people not doing what you wish they were doing (and how that’s ruining your happiness), you give yourself no alternative but to continue re-living that very experience. Take that in.
“So how do I create something different- particularly when my past has been really challenging?”
1. Realize that if you really want something- whatever it is, it’s meant for you.
2. Know that despite the messages you may have received to the contrary, you deserve to have exactly what you want.
3. Only you can let it in.
4. This is done through a focus on what you want, why you want it, and a visceral feeling of your own empowerment in the now to choose.
5. Give up arguing for your limitations. Stop talking about why you can’t have what you want and recognize your life is for YOU. No one else is responsible for you not getting what you want. No one else is holding you down. The only person who can keep you from what you want is you. This is not an indictment but an invitation. Realizing we are the only ones currently in our own way can be an exciting and scary acknowledgment, but it is the only path to freedom and fulfillment.
I’ll leave you with an adage from the recovery movement that I have always loved, “If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten.”
If relational trauma keeps your physiology and thought patterns stuck in the disempowered past, find a Somatic Trauma Therapist and reclaim your NOW.
If you want something, have the courage to dream of it, reach for it, and receive it.